All too often we overlook the goodness and
the beauty in our lives. We choose to seek after our plan, skewing God’s plan
for our life. We tend to believe that any situation would be better than the
one we’re currently in—but is that true?
Something that has really been on my heart is
how we view our seasons of un-attachment (did I just make that word up?).
How do we view ourselves, and the choice of
others, to wait on God’s sovereign time for a relationship? Do we look past the
raised eyebrows and comments about not being realistic? Do we realize that God
is at work in our lives? Or do we sit and criticize ourselves, condemn the
happy couples around us, and consort to be unhappy ? Do we have a strategy for a
life that’s rich in godly purpose? In Andrew Farmer’s book,
The
Rich Single Life he says, “The rich single life resonates with the
impact of a whole-hearted devotion to God and his agenda for our lives, is
prepared and willing to pursue a relationship toward marriage in submission to
God’s timing, wisdom, and Word, and confronts the universal challenge of
loneliness with biblical hope.” That last item is so precious because of the
truth that resounds—we hold the hope in our hands, the happiness, and the
purpose, but will we choose to accept it?
I obviously haven't found all of the answers, but I've enjoyed learning the lessons God has been teaching me.
For the record, this entire post is just the meanderings of an
individual (me) who wants to proclaim to this world that it is possible to be
happy and not have a S.O. (significant other) and that it is possible to be
meaningful and purposeful without being in a relationship. My hope is that
you’ll find the same peace and hope I’ve found.
I do want to add a disclaimer, that in no way am I trying to persuade you that
marriage and relationships are not desirable, not necessary, etc. I think they REALLY are. Actually, I'm looking
whole-heartedly forward to what God has in store for me.
1. You don’t
need a relationship to be happy. What? Yes, I did just say that. As a
culture, we seem to be under the impression and buying into the lie that we
need to be in a relationship, purposeful or not, in order to be happy. As a
matter of fact, I’ve heard and seen a lot of Christians assume that in order to
be fully happy and to be completely fulfilled we have to be married and until
we are married, our life is not complete. I believe that the purposefulness and
happiness of a young person can include romantic relationships, but is not
limited
to being in relationships. We can, and should be happy, outside
of being boyfriend-less or girlfriend-less. It’s beautiful to witness the
wonderment and intricacies that God presents in our lives when we find
ourselves in that singular, undistracted, undivided season of our life. I like
to remember what the apostle Paul said regarding marriage and being un-attached
(that word again!) in 1 Corinthians 7, “…
I
am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in
a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” The array of lessons that
the Lord has taught me would probably never have impacted me the way they have,
if I had been in a serious relationship with someone. I’m not saying the
journey of being un-attached is easy and can be difficult, but God gives us
hope in Word that when we wait on Him we’ll see the fruit of our patience in
the land of the living (Psalm 27) If you’re like me, you’ll have this verse
plastered all over your bedroom wall (literally), as a gentle reminder in the
moments of sheer weakness. When we see the multitudes of couples, remember to
be thankful for this season of singleness, it’s a rare and holy thing.
2.
In order
to be content in marriage—we need to be content in being single. How many
of us have muttered to ourselves, “If only I was married or (insert other
desirable trait), life would be so much different--so much better.” I was questioned
once when I asked this question, how could I expect to be content in my future
marriage, if I wasn’t content being currently single? How can we expect to be
happy in
any situation, if we aren’t happy in the situation we currently
find ourselves? It’s the question that’s had the greatest theological minds
rumbling about and if I’m not mistaken, the answer is: we can’t. If we can’t
become totally committed and content with our singleness (or other season), we
probably won’t be content in any situation or circumstance that precedes it.
The same can be said for the poor who desire wealth (Psalm 73:2-3), the tired
who desires strength, and the sick who desires health—if we can’t except where
we are—we probably won’t be happy. (Philippians 4:11)
The Lord gives us these seasons to teach
us, to shape and mold us—I like to think of it as Character Bootcamp. Where
else do we find our strengths and weaknesses, break down and then come back
strong, and become stronger and stronger? God desires our contentment, He
desires for us to be happy, it’s at our fingertip. Happiness and contentment
are in our possession, but will we be accepting of it? A quote from a favorite
book of mine, appropriately titled
Contentment (guess what it’s
about!?!) says, “…
As we look at what he
says to us, we’ll discover that he wants our contentment—our happiness—even
more than we do, even in the hard times. He is not withholding it from us; we
do that to ourselves. Happiness really is at our fingertips.” The author,
Lydia Brownback would know about singleness. At an older stage of life, she’s
still waiting. .
. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
reminds us of a promise and a hope that, “For everything there is a season, and
a time for every matter under heaven…”
Do we find ourselves in a season of “wanting?” Do we find ourselves
searching madly for “Mr.” or “Mrs.” And not waiting, and enjoying the gift
(yes, I said GIFT) of being single. Again, don’t get me wrong, I’m fully
looking forward to getting married and raising a family—it’s been my desire for
such a long time. But in the meantime, God is doing so many amazing things in
my life and guess what--He wants too in yours.
He wants you to be amazed at His power,
enthralled at His grace, and on your knees at His love. He’s given us the
opportunity of sheer, happiness, but will we accept it? Contentment is a
choice. Hebrews 13:5. 2 Corinthians 12:10
3.
Being a
Christian means, being counter-culture. One of my favorite quotes from one
of my favorite men in the world (my Dad!) says, “To be a Christian—is to be peculiar.”
Think about that. When we take on that moment of being a child of God, we
automatically assume the role of going counter-culture. So many times we buy
into the lie that in order to be accepted and valued we have to be actively
pursuing relationships. Thankfully, Jesus’ sacrifice on Calvary was in order to
abolish lies such as this. His death on the cross and unending love is the only
thing that can determine our value—which is proof enough of how great our value
is. Be free and encouraged to walk—no, run—counter-culture, especially in the
realm of relationships. Realize that we don’t have to buy into the lie that
relationships are what determines our worth, our value, and our image. Jesus, thankfully,
is the only such thing.
4.
Cherish this
season before the next comes along. The beautiful words of a friend
said to me, “When we’re content with where the Lord has us, He’ll bring us to
the next step of our life.” This was so profound because if we find ourselves
content in the Lord, content in our present season, and content in His
timing—we’ll find that “next step.” God will miraculously bring us to that
place, in His perfect timing.
Being content isn't just a "key" I think it's a way of life, a lifestyle. Though it can be painfully difficult (who said life was ever easy?!) I think it is so worth the lesson to be learned!
It’s not too late—if we’ve made a wrong
decision the grace that carried us to the Cross can also turn any wrongdoing
into a good thing, if we ask God. My
life as a currently un-attached individual could change in a flash, but I’m
enjoying just learning more about God, understanding Him, and learning from his
grace. Let’s not make this time in our lives about us, but about God and all
that He can do in our lives.
This, my friends, is the end of my weekend meanderings. . .
